Its a Total Knock Up

The stork called. Hes coming around again. This time, Im going to be much more prepared.

The convention is to wait three months before even bringing this up, but fuck it. Im pregnant.

It was intentional this time and I didnt cry. Actually, I did. Instead of crying for my youth like I did in 08

But Im too young to have a baby!

um, honey. You do realize that big party wasnt a sweet 16.

Oh. Right. Im 30.

In 11 tears sprung to my eyes for my beloved life as it has turned out. I have so loved my mommy and me time with my son. But, alas, the kid could use some fresh blood around the house. And my hormones could use a serious leveling off. Unfortunately for my physical and emotional equilibrium, theyre just getting started.

Havent You Heard? Hormones Are All the Rage!

Yes, I do realize that Ive been obsessing over vomit for the past couple of days. And I have one more thing to say about it before Im done (talking about it). I am vomiting and/or want to vomit most of the time.

That already makes this pregnancy significantly different from the last. Around this time with Ezra, I was parading my boobs around like theyd won the lottery. I was very proud of them. Wed all hit the jackpot. Then I nursed for two years and they kind ofwent away. I wonder when theyll be coming back. Are they coming back? Definitely coming back is my breakfast.

What else is different about this pregnancy? Lots.

Its not that I dont care as much; its just not as precious, in that the world as I know it has ended forever! kind of way. When I was first getting used to the idea of being pregnant with Ezra, life went all slanty. Like I hadnt had my V8.

The air smelled different, my brain buzzed like it had been submerged in seltzer water, my very pores felt exposed to the world in a way that tingled, and even hurt. Everything was a B.F.D. (big fing deal).

Early pregnancy, then, was physically and emotionally otherworldly. This one, I dont know how to explain. Its quite physical, true. But my body is in a state of being that I often forget. Without the nausea, I might one day relate to those women that give birth in an IHOP bathroom. You know, the pregnant, and didnt even know it type.

Of course, that couldnt possibly happen to me. Ezra was 10 lbs, 10 oz when he was born. I generally weigh up to 120 lbs. Pregnancy is the sort of girth you notice on me.

What I Will Do Differently

Many things that I will blog about in time, first and foremost being what I eat. This baby will be significantly smaller, damn it. Im also going for a VBAC. The care that I entrust with my pregnancy and the trust I put in myself will be getting an overhaul as well.

I didnt have Díga(Mama), either. This pregnancy will very much be an experiment. Can I do it not right, but better than last time? I have no regrets about my pregnancy with Ezra, apart from the hash browns and Egg McMuffins. The lattes at Starbucks were a bit much, too. Those Chais? Total sugar bombs. And I suppose I should have had more wheat grass shots, as an old friend (whos son is now obsessed with veggies) suggested.

Lets do this together: me, my Ezra, my Rupie, my Díga.

Pregs. Ooh. Good God, yall.…

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